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| Image courtesy of unsplash.com |
“What is wrong with Generation Y?” That Google search turns up over 80,000,000 results in .41 seconds. We are narcissistic, technology-dependent, and, most importantly, we killed chivalry. Gone are the days of courting, going steady, and dating, only to be replaced with hookups, FWBs, and Tinder matches.
Not only do millennials forego commitment, we have created a culture where commitment is a weakness. By committing, you’ve given in to the conventions of our parents and failed in your rebellion against the archaic structure of society. Simple Plan would be disappointed in you.
As a card-carrying member of Gen-Y, I often wonder what we did to deserve such a bad reputation. Sure, we are the generation that brought you twerking, the selfie, and 2 Chainz. It could have been worse. That is equal in scandal to Elvis Presley’s dance moves, women showing their ankles, and storing cigarettes in shirtsleeves. However, it is time we cop to the effects of our lassiez faire approach to intimate contact.
Millennials do not date. They do not call each other boyfriend/girlfriend. Instead, they have created a new discourse for their relationships. You text all the time? Oh, you’re talking. You only speak when he texts you at 2 AM to come over? You’re his booty call. You’re friends who also hook up? Friends With Benefits. For a generation of lovers that refuse to label their relationships, we sure have a lot of labels.
I think the most defining characteristic of a millennial relationship is that there is no definition. We like to keep it casual. We spend weeks skirting around The Talk. Once “what are we?” comes into play, the tryst is as good as over. We don’t explicitly outline our relationships as relationships so there is a smaller chance that emotions will get in the way of: a. friendship, b. sex, or c. another relationship.
Why do millennials fear commitment? Why do we suppress natural cravings for connection to another human being? What is wrong with Generation Y?
Love at First… Swipe?
"We’re playing Tinder. Swipe right to any guy with a beard. Automatic left to anyone with a dead animal." "What do we talk about when they message us?" "Oh, we don't respond to any messages."-21 year old females
The year 2013 brought the world the cronut, Prince George of Cambridge, and, of course, Tinder.
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| Tinder is no longer just for starting fires. Image courtesy of Rachel Wice. |
As millennials, we have resources for finding potential mates that our parents did not have. We have options. We have visual verification that real people out there are interested in us. When we are constantly stimulated by our many choices, we become less willing to commit to just one.
According to Match.com, 48% of women and 38% of men say that they research someone online before they go out with them. The Facebook Generation asserts the power to create a test-tube partner through online personas and profile pictures. They pick and choose. They explore every avenue before deciding to pursue something more.
@TextsFromLastNight: (503): I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?"
Jessica Carbino, Tinder’s dating and relationship expert claims that it’s not all about the looks. “Research shows when people are evaluating photos of others, they are trying to access compatibility on not just a physical level, but a social level,” she said in an interview with The New York Times. Tinder headquarters asserts that the app is not for shallow interactions or one-night-stands, but establishing connections.
Dating apps like Tinder, Coffee and Bagel, and Hinge put a dossier of potential friends, dates, hook ups, and boyfriends at our fingertips. If it’s as easy as a swipe to the left or right, why not do it all the time? We get a feel for a candidate before we even speak to them, and rejection is as easy as an “unmatch.” Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Are Feelings the New Ebola?
"When you're in a relationship it means you have to buy a toaster. You and another human have to mutually agree on the model of the toaster and where in your shared space it will go and how to pay for the toaster together and I just don’t need that stress in my life."-20 year old female
Millennials have gone through life without complication. Personally, I never had to search through the card catalog at the library. I never had to do a research paper with physical books and microfiche. I barely needed to learn basic arithmetic. Technology advanced as we grew, and thus it became an integral part of our development. We like instant gratification. When my Internet buffers for 30 seconds, I experience emotional distress. Gen-Y is accustomed to streamlined and advanced scenarios. We simply do not have time in our lives for emotions.
"Why am I so emotional? No, it's not a good look gain some self-control. And deep down I know this never works, but you can lay with me so it doesn’t hurt.”—Sam Smith, “Stay With Me”
Having feelings has become a trait rather than an integral part of being human. More so, having feelings has become an unappealing trait. You need to be chill, nonchalant, and vague at all times. The possibility of “catching feelings” as if they are a disease is cause for widespread concern.
Andrew Reiner wrote a piece for the New York Times about teaching Generation Y the basics of a strong relationship. He said, “[Gen-Y’s] romance operandi—hooking up and hanging out—flouts the golden rule of what makes marriages and love work: emotional vulnerability.” Sara H. Konrath backs up his assertion with her research. Declining levels of empathy, higher levels of self-esteem and narcissism, peer pressure to take part in the hookup culture, and the noncommittal mindset that hanging out breeds has resulted in a generation that is terrified of romantic intimacy.
Blame Loudly, Solve Infrequently
“Young people have been hit the hardest by the recession and slow economic recovery.”—John Tamny for Forbes
It’s not all our fault. Perhaps the motivation behind the desire to remain unattached stems from a desire to put off the future. Tamny talks about recession, government spending, and economic correction. In so many words, he outlines that the government systematically disfavors Millennials. Our futures will not be easy. Why would we want to make plans for the future if our prospects are not ideal? In choosing not to settle down, we commit a silent act of rebellion against older generations.
Biologically, humans need to reproduce. Humans need to evolve. Humans need to be monogamous to raise offspring. What's wrong with Generation Y? We do not take full responsibility for the downfall of society, it's true. However, we are a product of our upbringing. Our exposure to technology has led us to redefine communication.
We still feel and yearn for connection, but we are easily validated through a "like" rather than a physical touch. We're mechanizing. Some would call this progress. However, the human race got by just fine before technology muddied the waters. Generation Y needs to realize that an essential part of being human is human contact. If we continue playing out our relationships from behind a screen, we will continue to miss out on the comforts of real human company.
